WHAT TO DO
What would you do for your best friend when they’re having a shitty day/week/ month/year/life? How about your partner/boyfriend/ girlfriend/spouse? Would you tell them to suck it up, stop moping around, and forge ahead? Or would you tell them that it’s okay if other people say and do things that make you feel small and weak, that it’s okay to be run down and tired and triggered?
You’d probably bring them
a coffee or a magazine or essential oils or bourbon or crystals or ice cream or your
best listening ears. You’d probably encourage them to feel whatever they needed
to feel, without reason and without judgement. You’d probably listen to them cry
or take them out to distract them or maybe just sit with them. You’d send them a text with the funniest combination of emojis possible and puppy videos and articles about resilience.
Why are we so quick to feel affection for and to let our hearts ache and bleed for one another, but not for ourselves?
Why can’t you be your own
best babe and your own favorite person in the world? Feel deeply about yourself. Show it in the best way you know how. You don’t have to draw a bubble bath or throw yourself a parade — just feel tenderness towards the babe inside of you and let yourself receive it.
Caring for myself resists everything I’ve been taught about not being worthy enough. Caring for myself puts the determination of my own value in my hands. Self- care is a big fuck you to the kyriarchy and all the systems
of oppression that affect my life. Self-care keeps me alive and gives me permission to take up space. It nurtures my voice, validates my pain and pleasure. It keeps me alive and sustains me for another day. Every day I’m alive I can call out sexism, homophobia, transphobia, racism, fat shaming, heterosexism, ableism, and ageism.
Self-care isn’t just massages and silly tv shows and long walks and ice water and orgasms. It’s work: knock ‘em down, drag ‘em out work that means diving down into the
dark and twisty parts of yourself that are tender and raw or that are bruised and covered in scar tissue.
- Smart Fubara